In one case, at a national staff conference, I heard some “senior missionaries” call their children going to another church while in college as the work of Satan, just because they were not going to be UBF people anymore. They were lumped together with that other work of Satan–long time American families leaving the ministries. It was strange and I was taken aback. Some missionaries have parents that were Christians before them. Yet the missionaries don’t go to the same church as their parents and it is not the work of Satan. But if UBF 2nd gens do, then it was the work of Satan.

Gal 5:1

Amen. As a lazy, unspiritual, demon-possessed American native, I know EXACTLY how you feel!

This may not be related but this is what a 2nd gen wrote to me about his fellow 2nd gens:

“I do not claim to know them well or to be close to them but I’ve been exposed to them and their lifestyle. And of course each second gen is different, but for practical purposes I will generalize here.

Generally speaking, whether a second gen has officially left to another church or they are still hanging around, they have a pretty cynical view of UBF traditions (and for good reasons). They think that UBF is very legalistic, that the worship service is boring, that the messages are dull, the music is dull, etc. So what do they do? They don’t live by those legalistic rules. Those that leave end up joining a much more modern and entertaining church where they can “get a lot more of the worship service”. But after getting rid of rule by rule and expectation by expectation, what do their lives look like?? Not any different from the world. Basically yuppies that though they go to church, their lives are devoid of any meaning. I know I’m being overly harsh here….”

I’m sorry if this might come across as being rather harsh, critical and offensive to some 2nd gens, since I’m sure that not all 2nd gens will fit this terribly negative caricature. In fact, I personally know quite a few who are not like this.

Anonymously or otherwise, will more 2nd gens speak up?? We promise to be gentle and to not eat you alive! :)))

Thank you for writing about your experiences. Telling your story is extremely important. I’ve come to realize that, at its core, UBF is an enterprise of storytelling. The grand narrative that many UBF leaders want to broadcast to the world is not the key story of Christianity (God’s work in Israel culminating in Jesus, now being lived worldwide in the Body of Christ) but heroic tales of UBF missionaries’ devotion and sacrifice. The only way to bring sanity, repentance and healing is for people like us (those who realize we have been negatively impacted by UBF) to tell our own stories freely and honestly. At present, UBFriends is the main platform where this is happening. I hope that you continue to write, as much as you are able.

In your last paragraph, you wrote: “Unfortunately I must remain anonymous in order to protect myself…”

I won’t second guess your decision to remain anonymous. If anonymity helps you to tell your story, then I’m all for it.

But I hope that you can elaborate on that statement. From what are you protecting yourself? If you revealed your identity, what would be the consequences?

Let me be frank. As an American who came into UBF of my own accord, I don’t really know what it was like to be brought up in the organization from childhood. I won’t pretend to know the pressures and negative experiences that you faced and continue to face. But when I began to speak out against the abusive practices of UBF, one of the most hurtful things that happened to me was not that many UBF leaders immediately turned against me (I fully expected that), but quite a few 2nd gens also threw me under the bus. I discovered that my relationships with them were not well formed friendships, but were conditioned on my willingness to remain silent about the truly nasty things that I saw and experienced in UBF. When I started to call out the organization on these things, it was as if I suddenly became radioactive, and lots of 2nd gens treated me like a pariah. I don’t want to hold a grudge against anyone, but — I’m just being honest here — that is a hurt that I will carry for a long time.

“It’s very hard to address the second gen condition because you get into how to raise children.” – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/21/a-2nd-gen-story/#comment-17254

Yes, Forests, this is a hard issue. Robert Lewis, in his excellent DVD series, “The Quest for Authentic Manhood,” mentions 4 ways to relate to your children as they grow up.

1) Coach. When your kids are little, you teach them everything.
2) Counselor. In high school, you listen and counsel accordingly.
3) Consultant. In college, you advice when you are consulted.
4) Colleague. After they graduate your kids are your “equals.”

We can also apply this when “shepherding sheep.” Adults should be respected as adults and not be treated like needy dependent children.

An open and honest dialogue with many witnesses “absolutely” needs to happen to genuinely listen to 2ndgensurvivor and fellowshipbible, the previous sharer (http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/18/my-feelings-about-ubf/).

It’s quite understandable and yet quite unfortunate that he has to remain anonymous. Has ubf created such a fear, shame, retributive, punitive culture that people are made to be afraid to speak up and share what they honestly think and feel?? Have we created such an unsafe culture of fear that we cannot truly be ourselves??